princessbubblegumandjustice:

taricvevo:

princessbubblegumandjustice:

taricvevo:

incarniunknown:

taricvevo:

princessbubblegumandjustice:

I hate when people manipulate, mistreat, and abuse their partners and blame it on their mental illness, say they can’t control it, and try to guilt people into staying with them.

Whether you can control it or not is irrelevant. They are still being abused. They’re still being mistreated. They’re still being manipulated.

They have every right to leave. Your mental illness doesn’t change the fact they are suffering.

both are wrong. try and calmly sort out a solution with your partner.

I am sorry but if your partner is a piece of shit because they are mentally ill then “calmly sort out a solution” won’t be an option.

If you have an emotional or even physical abusive partner, no matter if mentally ill or not, dump them. They don’t deserve love. Everyone can control their behaviour. Mental illness is not a free pass to be a motherfucking piece of shit and it also isn’t a free pass to get a second, third or fifteenth chance.

cool “nobody deserves love if they have mental problems” mcgee, who doesn’t know that the person’s mental illness can be helped if they weren’t born with it
you are literally encouraging the behavior. abandonment turns people into worse people and makes them more abusive

I was just going to ignore you, but quite honestly now I can’t. Everything you just said is not only a misrepresentation of what the other user just said, but also shifts accountability from an abusive person onto the person they abused. That is messed up and I will not allow that to go unresponded to on my post.

“both are wrong.”

Are you really trying to say leaving an abusive relationship is wrong?

It doesn’t even have to be about mental illness. There are no wrong reasons to leave or break up with someone. There can be reasons we think are stupid or uncalled for, but there is no wrong reason. People can leave any relationship they want, and no one is entitled to someone’s companionship.

Even if there were wrong reasons, being abused wouldn’t be one of them. 

“try and calmly sort out a solution with your partner.”

The only solution I will ever support or recommend is getting back together after someone has shown significant improvement and has shown they’re able to sustain it. In some cases it can take years for someone to work through their mental illness and reach a place where they are able to have a healthy relationship. If people want to get back together at that point, that’s perfectly fine. 

But that doesn’t change the fact they have every right to leave that person when they were abusive. They should not be pressured to sit around and be abused while their partner tries to work on it. That is the same exact manipulation tactic abusers use to prevent victims from leaving, “I’m trying! Don’t leave me or you’re a bad person who never really loved me! If you really cared you would stay with me! If you leave me no one else will date me!”

“cool ‘nobody deserves love if they have mental problems’ mcgee”

They said abusers, regardless of mental illness, do not deserve love. And they don’t. If you manipulate, mistreat, abuse, hit, or isolate someone then you are not deserving of that person’s love and affection. You have not earned it, therefore you are not worthy or deserving of it. 

“who doesn’t know that the person’s mental illness can be helped if they weren’t born with it”

No one said that and I’m pretty sure they don’t believe that. The only things we said are that if someone is abusive then you have a right to leave them and using mental illness as an excuse and as a method to guilt someone into staying is wrong.

They can and hopefully will get help, but the victim doesn’t have to stay with them. Actions have consequences, and people have to deal with them. Nothing is stopping them from entering a new, healthy relationship.

“you are literally encouraging the behavior.”

How? By telling people to leave abusive partners? Telling victims to leave abusive partners encourages abusive behavior? Really?

“abandonment turns people into worse people and makes them more abusive”

Victims are not responsible for their abusers behavior.

My friend is mentally ill. She dated a boy who was also mentally ill. He would use it as an excuse and would threaten to kill himself as a means to manipulate her and guilt her into staying with him. He would threaten suicide when they fought, when she was upset with him, and when she would try to leave him. He treated her so poorly she felt trapped. She thought she was a disgusting human being and would cut herself from the guilt. She was miserable and suffering.

But abandonment makes people worse, so apparently she shouldn’t have left him because he might have become more abusive or suicidal.

Do you understand how disgusting that sounds? “I know you’re being abused, but won’t you think about how much worse they’ll get if you leave? Won’t you think about them instead?” That’s how it sounds. That’s not good for either person. It completely dismisses the suffering of the victim and designates them as a punching bag for their abusive partner. It absolves the abuser of responsibility and reinforces their abusive beavior. I’m so glad I’m her friend and you aren’t. I’m glad that she had me to tell her that no one is entitled to her affection instead of someone that would tell her that it’s wrong, they should sort it out, and that she should stay so he doesn’t get worse.

No one is responsible for the mental health of other people. People are responsible for themselves, and if they get worse because people won’t just sit around and let them abuse them until they get their shit together, that is their problem to deal with. You aren’t entitled to being comforted and supported by a person while you abuse them. Mentally ill people are still accountable for their actions. 

I will reiterate my original post: the consequences of abuse, whether from a mentally ill partner or not, are the same. The suffering is the same. Billy is dating Dolly. Franny is dating Johnny. Billy is mentally ill and Franny is not. Both Billy and Franny have abused, manipulated, and mistreated their partners. Both Dolly and Johnny suffer from panic attacks, have found it extremely difficult to form social bonds or trust other people, have decreased self-esteem and poor self-image, and have a poor relationship with their family as a result of their abuse at the hands of Billy and Franny respectively.

Billy being mentally ill doesn’t change the fact Dolly has panic attacks now. Billy being mentally ill doesn’t change the fact Dolly has a hard time forming social bonds or trusting other people now. Billy being mentally ill doesn’t change the fact Dolly has decreased self-esteem and poor self-image now. Billy being mentally ill doesn’t change the fact Dolly has a poor relationship with her family now. Billy being mentally ill doesn’t change anything for Dolly.

bro where did you get “leaving an abusive relationship is wrong” out of “please remember there are victims of abandonment too”

I talk about two things: abuse and leaving an abusive relationship. If you say both are wrong, you are saying that abusing a partner and leaving an abusive partner are wrong (and then you offered an alternative).

Being a victim of abandonment is irrelevant. It doesn’t matter. There is nothing to remember. You’re not entitled to a relationship because you have abandonment issues. They are not responsible for you. They have their own life to live and shouldn’t feel guilty about leaving you or be chained to you forever because you have issues. That’s not fair to them.