Maternity Memes

grumblygardens:

Memes about motherhood, having babies, and parenting. Some borderline NSFW and mildly offensive. Includes adoption!

Pregnancy&

Motherhood

• “But you’re hardly showing!”
• “You are really big now!”
• “Maybe it’s time to shop for something more flattering?”
• “Maternity wear. You. You’ve gone without it for too long.”
• “Did you hear the baby’s heartbeat?”
• “How far along are you?”
• “So when are you due?”
• “Do you have nursery themes picked out?”
• “Are you having a little boy or a little girl?”
• “I know you went to get the ultrasound done.”
• “You have to tell me if pregnancy sex is as kinky as I’ve heard it is!” 
• “Just consider gender neutral colors for a second. Hear me out.”
• “I’m just saying gendered colors are not as evil as people make them out to be.”
• “You’re certain the baby isn’t someone else’s right?” 
• “You can’t clean the cat box. There’s other stuff you can’t do while pregnant, either.”
• “If you get put on bedrest, your entire house will fall apart and you know it.”
• “So I guess you’ll go straight back to work after this?”
• “Goodbye working world, hello stay-at-home-mommy! Right?”
• “Your feet have got to be killing you!”
• “Your boobs are gonna get so huge!” 
• “You know you’ll be sore from breastfeeding, right?”
• “So I guess you’re gonna pick a side in that breastfeeding and bottlefeeding thing, right?”
• “I hope you’re not afraid to accept some help. You’ll need it.”
• “I hope s/he is going to be pitching in more?”

Adoption

• “You’re not gonna keep it, right? I mean face it, you’re not parenthood material!”
• ”I understand you don’t want to keep the baby and I support whatever you want to do.”
• “You’re giving up your baby to great parents. That’s not selfish.”
• “That’s so selfish of you to not even think of your baby. Of course they want to know you more than two strangers just raising them!”
• “Wait, so you’re adopting a baby?”
• “I don’t think I’d be able to love a child that isn’t my blood.”
• “You already love them so much. It’s obviously meant to be.”
• “How much does a baby cost, anyway? Can’t you just buy a dog and call it even?”
• “Are you afraid your paperwork will get rejected?”
• “Does traveling to get your baby scare you?”
• “Will you change their name?”
• “Did something happen to the parents?”
• “I’m certain you’re strong enough to answer their questions when they’re old enough to ask them.”
• “You shouldn’t keep secrets about their life. Don’t lie to them about being adopted.”
• “I wouldn’t call it lying. I would call it being selective. They don’t have to know they didn’t come out of your womb, right?”

Childrearing

• “Once you have a kid, you lose everything. Your sex life, your party life, your quiet life. It’s gone.” 
• “Those eighteen years go too fast.” 
• “So what’s more exciting? The poopie Picassos at 3am or the green bean Van Goghs at dinner?”
• “I guess you haven’t heard a modern music station in the past year. I guess you’ve memorized the soundtrack to the latest cartoon musical!”
• “So is the sugary cereal for them or are you happy you get an excuse to eat it again?”
• “Be honest. You play with your kid’s toys more than they do.”
• “When they call for you, you feel like a superhero because you are their super hero.”
• “When you accept that a toddler is just a tiny drunk college student having a meltdown, you start to feel better.”
• “If I have to sit through the Wiggles one more time…”
• “I like hanging out with you more than my child-free friends. You have food. You have ice pops. You also have Disney movies.”
• “Lego bombs. Oh my god, lego bombs in the carpet..”
• “The minivan was probably the sensible purchase.”
• “I had no idea a baby could fart that loud!”
• “Dressing baby girls is fun. Then they age three years and the boys get the better, tasteful clothing. Girls? No they get the glitter bombs from hell.”
• “They say you love them the first time you hold them.”