lonelyhimbo:

hi. unfortunately, it’s me again, and
i’m sick and starving. i’ve fumbled around trying to figure out how to
word this monster of a situation for a few days and i’m
still not sure what to say. sorry in
advance if it’s a little long and disjointed.

so, i have bipolar disorder. i was not
diagnosed until i was 18 years old. a looong time ago, this was
misdiagnosed as ADHD and, long story short, years of being on adderall unnecessarily seems to have ruined my appetite permanently. to this day it is very
difficult for me to determine when i’m hungry. this is where the problem started.

in more recent years, i’ve started skipping meals due to a hearty mix of body dysphoria and anxiety about food contamination. having a poor gauge of being hungry enabled this. this means i have been eating about 1 – 2 times every two days. my body is finally
starting to feel the effects of this; i’m tired all the time and i’m
starting to feel dizzy and weak. my muscles are starting to ache and
i’ve lost 20 lbs in a four month period. it’s very hard most days to
even get out of bed.

in addition to that, i’ve been having other mysterious debilitating coming-and-going symptoms i desperately need to see a doctor for (gastrointestinal
upset, tender belly, put off by eating or drinking, joint pain,
nausea). to be totally honest, i’m pretty scared.

the problem is that between all of the
physical ailments and my poor mental health, i am not able to hold a job. my family is giving me a
lot of trouble in the vein of support. they don’t go to the store
often and anything i ask for from the store is being left off of the
list (intentionally or unintentionally, i’m not sure). i am also being given minimal support for medical needs. i absolutely have to get back into the habit of eating and i need to get to a doctor or i fear that i’m going to end up much sicker than i already am.

although i have very little control over this situation, i am
being berated and yelled at for not eating and then complaining about
my deteriorating health because i ‘don’t make any effort to change
it’. it’s starting to feel intentional and cruel and it’s making me
feel like i’m crazy.

i reeeally need money for a copay and
subsequent tests as well as groceries. the
overall goal is in the realm of $150 – $200 (three appointments, a week of groceries) for the time being. in
addition to donations, i’m taking art commissions* and i am willing to
sell pictures and clips in order to make ends meet. if you’d like to
help me out anything helps and i’d really appreciate it, but if you can’t that’s fine
too.

paypal.me

art tag

*i cannot currently make any promises
in the vein of commission times; it’s difficult to get up and get any
work done with the way things are but definitely feel free to PM me for
details